demon squirrel attacked me.
Yes, and there were three witnesses. It was the perfect setting for a horror movie.
It was a beautiful spring day my senior year in college…
(My husband interrupts this blog to point out that this happened a looonnnggg time ago. He’s cute–I think I’ve mentioned that.)
Back to the story. I was walking with a friend. There were two
one cute and one demon squirrels under a large oak tree just off the sidewalk. The cute squirrel was eating an acorn. The other demon squirrel was looking at us. It was watching us.
demon squirrel darted toward the sidewalk as if in a mad dash to cross a road before becoming road kill. He overshot the sidewalk and we kept walking.
Suddenly, there was something on the back of my bare leg. I was wearing shorts, not jeans. In a horror movie, I would think it was nothing harmful or that it was something playful–and I would be very wrong.
demon squirrel had jumped onto my leg. What the heck? Tiny, gerbil-like demon squirrel claws were sliding down my leg. I saw only the flash of the demon squirrel’s tail as I turned from side to side–bushy, brown tail no matter which way I turned. I experienced a moment of complete paralysis.
demon squirrel slid all the way down my bare leg and ran to the oak tree where it stared us down with glowing red eyes.
demon squirrel’s eyes weren’t glowing red, but they would be in a horror movie.
My friend laughed. Actually, I’m pretty sure he was ROTFLHAO. He stomped at the
demon squirrel. The demon squirrel, holding on to the side of the tree, stomped back. I kid you not. Still laughing, my friend said, “Maybe it thought you were a tree.”
Not funny, friend.
The other two witnesses were as stunned as I was. I’m pretty sure they were both ROTFLTAO after they showed a little concern for me and then disappeared into a building.
Over time, I’ve been able to forgive the
demon squirrel for being possessed protective of its acorn tree. You have no idea how glad I am that this happened before cell phone cameras and YouTube (yes, that was a looonngg time ago). My friend would have captured it on video and posted it online before the adrenaline left me shaking and in shock.
Here’s video of an angry squirrel. I could’ve sworn its eyes glowed briefly. It could be the same
(My 14-year-old just informed me that it couldn’t be the same squirrel because they. don’t. live. that. long. It’s hard to blog with family looking over my shoulder.)
It’s a good thing my experience wasn’t a horror movie. If it had been, the bystander who did nothing to assist the first victim would have been the second victim. My friend might have been pelted with acorns by a demon-possessed squirrel with red, glowing eyes.
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My turn to ROTFLMAO.
Go see this illustration of a squirrel by Ryan Green (his squirrel-ish story is funny, too). The bunny ears do seem to make the creature less scary.
demon squirrel would benefit from ears like that.
A friend of mine told me that she chased squirrels the other day. Then I realized that Tommie wasn’t chasing real squirrels. You should read her blog about it. It has a cool video of horses, too. 🙂
Do you have any squirrel or wild animal experiences stories to tell? Share them in the comments below.