There are certain things in this world that are not meant for human vision.
Photo by Lynn Kelley via WANA Commons
The Plumber’s Butt–on a Motorcycle
Look away from that new moon while the nice man fixes the sink. But what do you do when the sight is directly in front of you while driving?
The motorcycle passenger was wearing the black-lace thong and muffin top. I don’t have anything against muffin tops or black lace, but the combination with the new moon…*shudder*
Hope they turn and go a different way. If they don’t, you must take a different route or risk being scarred for life.
The Shirtless Jogger
I’m so glad people are out jogging. That’s wonderful! If you don’t mind, put on a shirt. I don’t want to see a half naked, gorilla man or a woman wearing a sports bra. I don’t care how fit or unfit they are. Maybe, don’t.
The Fly
Seriously. If you’re going to be drunk enough to dance like a dork with your friends at a NBA basketball game (where you risk being seen by 20,000 people if you make the jumbotron), please have the courtesy to zip your fly. Awkward!
At least you’re too drunk to remember it later (the bad dancing and your XYZ). I, on the other hand, won’t be able to get rid of the image even after gouging out my eyes.
There you have it. Three things that my eyes wish they hadn’t seen this week.
Have you ever seen something that you wished you could unsee? (Keep it PG, please.)
That’s what to you get when you combine good friends, a photo, and PicMonkey. I was going to save this for Halloween, but I have to share the creepy now!
Deadly Sisters
Halfway through a scrapbooking* weekend with two of my close girlfriends, we took this picture. I’d been dying to try out the Halloween effects on PicMonkey, which is an online picture editing tool. (It’s free, but they have special royal effects that are free for a limited period of time.)
The site is super easy to use. (Thanks to Kristen Lamb for telling me about it!) Just upload your pictures and start playing.
Deadly Witch: Werewolf Fighter
The witch (Rachel) needed a gray complexion, pock marks, and witchy eyes. (I love the eye effects!) Black hair and a gray streak finished the look. Uh, no. Something was missing. In the standard editing area, we found the perfect lip color (make the color as subtle, or not as you want). Something was still missing. I tried a Frankenstein-type scar across her forehead, but then she suggested that this witch had a fight with a werewolf (and won, by the way). The clawed scar over her eye was the perfect touch.
Deadly Vampire: Neck Biter
With a smile like that, Shannon had to be a vampire. Have some fangs, sister, to go with that well-fed complexion and the brilliant eyes. The fangs were the hardest to get right. Nothing cutesy here. Don’t you think the veins add just the right touch?
Deadly Skullhead: Death Bringer
The Day of the Dead settings looked too fun not to use them on my own face. I tried to make myself purple (seriously, you can pick any color!), but I didn’t look deadly at all. Shannon nixed the purple right away because I looked cute–if a purple skullhead person can look not scary. A pale gray complexion replaced the red one that replaced the original purple one. I learned about layers and how the undo option works. You can’t undo an area after you move on to another area without undo-ing each step in between. I promise that my hair isn’t really that gray. A few pale veins on the bone complexion made the effect deeper. Don’t you just want to smile back at me?
Happy Halloween
That’s my Halloween costume this year–right there in that picture. It was a fun weekend with two of my close friends (I have more traveling stories about these two) and our friend Deb, who joined us briefly but left before I thought about this picture.
As I saved the photo, Rachel asked, “Is this going on your blog?”
Mwhahahahahaha! Of course it is. No way was I going to spend that much time on a photo and then not share it. It was my evil plan the second we took the picture. <evil grin>
*Scrapbooking at a fabulous crafters bed and breakfast doesn’t mean I have to scrapbook. 🙂 It’s just easier to tell people that’s where I’m going.
And now for my #ROW80 Update:
Need to work on the back garden beds to get ready for more planting. It was too cold this weekend.
Work out and eat better. Food does not define me, especially after two weekends away.
After a glorious weekend of research, I have rearranged my middle grade WIP outline and written 5k words. Now, time to finish the draft (perhaps a mini NaNoWriMo?).
Blogging class and logline class are in full swing (WANA International). Homework is progressing. 🙂
With less than two weeks to go until Halloween, some people are decorating their houses with pumpkins (some carved as jack o’lanterns), ghosts, and fake tombstones. Others are taking their decorations to new heights.
I added a few spooky effects for fun.
I drove by this street and saw the yard, so I had to check it out. Oh. My. Goodness. Even the roof is decorated with spiderwebs and giant spiders. Creepy things all over the yard. The part that most amazes me is the walkway to the front door. It’s a dark narrow tunnel with who-knows-what inside. The ladders in the yard tell me that they aren’t finished yet.
My younger daughter gawked at it with me. She was a little grossed out and a little impressed with the roof. She was relieved when I said that we would not be trick-or-treating on that street.
Often on Halloween night, parents let their children run up to doors by themselves. I know I’ve stood back twenty feet or more with other parents as our gaggle of goslings in their cute costumes charm our neighbors. Looking at that house though–I’m not so sure that I would let my daughter walk into that tunnel by herself.
Heck! I’m not so sure that I would let her walk into that tunnel with me! I know with absolute knowledge that my teenager daughter wouldn’t go near the house in the first place. I’m glad she’s beyond the whole Halloween thing anyway. She’d rather stay and hand out candy at our house.
What about you? Would you take your children into that tunnel? Do you go trick-or-treating or provide the treats? Do you decorate your house for this event? If so, I’d love to hear what you do. Please share–that comment box is ready for stories.
Yes, and there were three witnesses. It was the perfect setting for a horror movie.
It was a beautiful spring day my senior year in college…
(My husband interrupts this blog to point out that this happened a looonnnggg time ago. He’s cute–I think I’ve mentioned that.)
Back to the story. I was walking with a friend. There were two one cute and one demon squirrels under a large oak tree just off the sidewalk. The cute squirrel was eating an acorn. The other demon squirrel was lookingat us. It was watchingus.
The staring demon squirrel darted toward the sidewalk as if in a mad dash to cross a road before becoming road kill. He overshot the sidewalk and we kept walking.
Suddenly, there was something on the back of my bare leg. I was wearing shorts, not jeans. In a horror movie, I would think it was nothing harmful or that it was something playful–and I would be very wrong.
The demon squirrel had jumped onto my leg. What the heck? Tiny, gerbil-like demon squirrel claws were sliding down my leg. I saw only the flash of the demon squirrel’s tail as I turned from side to side–bushy, brown tail no matter which way I turned. I experienced a moment of complete paralysis.
The demon squirrel slid all the way down my bare leg and ran to the oak tree where it stared us down with glowing red eyes.
Maybe the demon squirrel’s eyes weren’t glowing red, but they would be in a horror movie.
My friend laughed. Actually, I’m pretty sure he was ROTFLHAO. He stomped at the demon squirrel. The demon squirrel, holding on to the side of the tree, stomped back. I kid you not. Still laughing, my friend said, “Maybe it thought you were a tree.”
Not funny, friend.
The other two witnesses were as stunned as I was. I’m pretty sure they were both ROTFLTAO after they showed a little concern for me and then disappeared into a building.
Over time, I’ve been able to forgive the demon squirrel for being possessed protective of its acorn tree. You have no idea how glad I am that this happened before cell phone cameras and YouTube (yes, that was a looonngg time ago). My friend would have captured it on video and posted it online before the adrenaline left me shaking and in shock.
Here’s video of an angry squirrel. I could’ve sworn its eyes glowed briefly. It could be the same demon squirrel.
(My 14-year-old just informed me that it couldn’t be the same squirrel because they. don’t. live. that. long. It’s hard to blog with family looking over my shoulder.)
It’s a good thing my experience wasn’t a horror movie. If it had been, the bystander who did nothing to assist the first victim would have been the second victim. My friend might have been pelted with acorns by a demon-possessed squirrel with red, glowing eyes.
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My turn to ROTFLMAO.
Go see this illustration of a squirrel by Ryan Green (his squirrel-ish story is funny, too). The bunny ears do seem to make the creature less scary.
My demon squirrel would benefit from ears like that.
A friend of mine told me that she chased squirrels the other day. Then I realized that Tommie wasn’t chasing real squirrels. You should read her blog about it. It has a cool video of horses, too. 🙂
Do you have any squirrel or wild animal experiences stories to tell? Share them in the comments below.
Diana Beebe 