Tag Archives: humor

Are You Sure Mermaids Aren’t Real?

Today is a blogging milestone for me: This is my 100th post. I’m not sure anyone is as shocked as I am. I tried to think of a great way to celebrate. Of course, I’m revisiting one of my favorite topics: Mermaids!

Come celebrate at my new website. You can read the latest post about mermaid sightings. Sign up so you don’t miss any future posts, too.

Are You Sure Mermaids Aren’t Real?

Life-size self portrait of me as a mermaid

Life-size self portrait of me as a mermaid

When Time Traveling Can Predict the Future

Diana Beebe's Blog, Diana Beebe, science fiction, middle grade fantasy, fantasyI have a wacky sense about time and time traveling.

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Things that I’ve seen but wish I hadn’t…My eyes! The burn!

There are certain things in this world that are not meant for human vision.

Photo by Lynn Kelley via WANA Commons

Photo by Lynn Kelley via WANA Commons

The Plumber’s Butt–on a Motorcycle

Look away from that new moon while the nice man fixes the sink. But what do you do when the sight is directly in front of you while driving?

The motorcycle passenger was wearing the black-lace thong and muffin top. I don’t have anything against muffin tops or black lace, but the combination with the new moon…*shudder*

Hope they turn and go a different way. If they don’t, you must take a different route or risk being scarred for life.

The Shirtless Jogger

I’m so glad people are out jogging.  That’s wonderful! If you don’t mind, put on a shirt. I don’t want to see a half naked, gorilla man or a woman wearing a sports bra. I don’t care how fit or unfit they are. Maybe, don’t.

The Fly

Seriously. If you’re going to be drunk enough to dance like a dork with your friends at a NBA basketball game (where you risk being seen by 20,000 people if you make the jumbotron), please have the courtesy to zip your fly. Awkward!

At least you’re too drunk to remember it later (the bad dancing and your XYZ). I, on the other hand, won’t be able to get rid of the image even after gouging out my eyes.

There you have it.  Three things that my eyes wish they hadn’t seen this week.

Have you ever seen something that you wished you could unsee? (Keep it PG, please.)

Weekend Updates…

I promised earlier to report about Armadillo’s comic book cover selection. Are you sitting down? Because my frilly, girlie, pink-loving Armadillo picked this one:

Diana Beebe's BlogYou didn see that one coming, did you? The shocking thing was that she didn’t even hesitate in the store. LOL. There is an evil genius in there somewhere. And I mean that in the nicest, most loving way possible! 😀

The poll results were split. A few of you (30%) guessed that she picked the dark and sinister cover because it was cool. No one guessed that it was her only option. The other two options about the other cover (cute ponies in snow: 40% and pink: 30%) combined for a whopping 70%. *shakes head* She surprised even me.

In other news…

We don’t watch Saturday Night Live very often, but we recently discovered “The Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started a Coversation with at a Party” on the “Weekend Update” skit. She is not on often enough, in my opinion.

Click this link to check it out on the official website (or you can search for her on youtube). What I love about this one is that her speech patterns butcher English pronunciation, but she throws in a grammar zinger every once in awile. I think this one is our favorite.  Mockingbird has a knack for immidating the girl.  It’s also clean enough (so far) for Armadillo to listen to it.

In gardening news…

I’m sad to say that my sweet potato experiment is looking like a complete fail. Sigh. The three slips that I planted are brown and dry. One has one tiny live leaf left–so there is hope. There is good news though. I pulled up some volunteer celery from the garden stones and planted them where the sweet potatoes are dying in the ground. (“Volunteer” plants are ones that grow from the scattered seeds of plants. I let nature do the planting, and I am sure as heck gonna use them.)

Diana Beebe's Blog

So what’s going on for your weekend? Share your news!

Valentine’s Day Apocalypse Averted

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Diana Beebe's Blog

Last night I had this post written and ready to send first thing in this morning. My dog had different plans. He had the Valentine’s Day Apocalypse all figured out.

My husband heard a strange noise. I heard it, too, but didn’t investigate.  It was as if my brain couldn’t register the sound and process what it could be. Then in the middle of the night, my husband found The Armadillo’s bag of finished cards with M&Ms bags attached on the floor.

I had visions of The Armadillo not having cards to take to schoool for the class party.

Oh, no. I checked the bag.  One was missing.  It was the Valentine’s Day Apocalypse!

Then I found this:

Diana Beebe's Blog

And saw this face:

It was the demon dog...

The demon dog did it…

This dog has been known to unzip backpacks to get to goodies inside, even homework. One Christmas, he ate an entire chocolate bar out of a visitor’s bag that had been left on the floor. Before you get upset that he ate chocolate, he’s fine. This dog is something else.

I found an extra card.  There was one bag of M&Ms left. Apocalypse averted! *wipes brow*

Now back to the regularly scheduled post:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m going to share a little blog love and news love. There are many more that I could list, but The Armadillo has to finish her Valentine’s Day cards for school.

For added fun, I’m adding in some newsy love of stories.  Life really is crazier than fiction sometimes.  I hope you enjoy the links! Sorry, I’m moving these to a later post, due to the saving of the Valentine’s Day party world.

Blog Love

Do you have anything special going on for Valentine’s Day?  Are you a blogger with a fun post about the day or know someone else with one?  Share it in the comments!

Happy Groundhog Day

Looks like an early spring this year. That’s what the Groundhog predicts, because he didn’t see his shadow, which means he didn’t feel the need to hide in his burrow for a long winter.

By EIC via Wikimedia Commons, Creative Commons

By EIC via Wikimedia Commons, Creative Commons

I never understood that.  Wouldn’t he be warmer if the sun was out?  Check out the history of Groundhog Day.  It’s quite interesting.

Instead, the little predictor of weather says, “Hey, look!  It’s sunny.  I’m going back to bed.”

It seems counterintuitive to me.  If it’s a sunny day, I’d like to be out working in the garden.  If it’s a cloudy, yucky day, I’d rather crawl back into bed.

It’s a good thing, Punxsutawney Phil doesn’t live near me, because it’s a gorgeous sunny day.  I’m going to go work in my garden and get ready for early spring.

What do you think about Groundhog Day?  Is it just a fun tradition or a true predictor of the seasons?  Do you know of other odd holidays that should get more or less attention?

2012 in Review and Looking Forward to 2013

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for Mermaids Don’t Do Windows.

In the almost six months that I’ve been blogging, here are my top 5 posts and my theories for why they made the list:

  1. Mermaids Aren’t Real? — This War of the Worlds moment (remember the radio program that had people panicking?) had to be shared.  If they are real, they are smart enough to elude Animal Planet film crews.
  2. My Very Own My Little Pony — Ponyfest12 was a success!  I couldn’t believe that my pony won, but then again, I have awesome friends.  Look for a pony reveal soon.  In the meantime, you should check out Rebecca Enzor’s blog, because Ponyfest is hers and she’s great.
  3. Totes, Selfies, and Sharpies — Why did this one make the top 5?  Because there are people searching on teen selfies.  Not kidding! Exactly 25% of the known Google searches that linked to my blog were about selfies, and most of those were looking for teens! Ick. Parents of teens, monitor your kids’ phones and uploads.  Just sayin’.
  4. Welcome to Gattaca — Who doesn’t love that movie?
  5. We figured that one out a long time ago — I just can’t help myself when I hear of discoveries that shock scientists about the intelligence of women.

These fabulous people were my top 5 commenters. I love their blogs.  I hope you check them out:

  1. Pauline B Jones
  2. Julie Glover
  3. Ryan King
  4. Debra Kristi
  5. Jordan L. Hawk

I launched this blog at the end of June last year with a ton of support and encouragement from my WANATribe Blogging for Brand classmates and WANA founder, Kristen Lamb.

So what’s in store for Mermaids Don’t Do Windows in 2013?

  • Three posts a week.
  • Pony reveal!
  • A visit from a Norse god. Yes, Thor is coming to visit me soon!  He will get to see what Texas is all about.
  • A blog upgrade and some tweaks.
  • A posting schedule.  What?! 
  • More housework avoidance (and maybe some decluttering projects).

Happy New Year to you all!

Thanks for stopping by.  I’d love to hear what you have going on for the new year.

Mustard. Bleh.

I don’t like mustard.  I never have.  There is no explanation for my dislike of the yellow condiment.  There was no childhood food trauma that made me hate it.

Not mustard again?!
Image by Lynn Kelley via WANA Commons

It is perhaps the one flavor that can be hidden in almost anything, and I’ll be able to taste it.  The rest of the dish is ruined for me after that.  OK, maybe not deviled eggs, unless they are really mustardy.

Usually, my husband and I split a burger.  I can’t eat a whole one.  He can add mustard to his half of the sandwich if he wants to.  He can even have my pickles.  After 20 years of marriage, my husband still finds it amusing when my head spins 360 degrees around on my neck and the pea soup spews when the drive-thru attendant gets my order wrong and puts mustard on my burger.

“You can just wipe it off,” my husband says.

*cue demonic voice* “No, you can’t just wipe it off. ”

(I can be a little scary sometimes. <sheepish grin>)

If I can see yellow, then I can taste mustard.  That’s a perfectly good Whatabuger wasted.  I’ll taste that mustard in my mouth forever.  Bleh.

Today, I had about 20 minutes to pick up dinner and get to my daughter’s school to help set up for Fall Festival.  I looked forward to my Whataburger–we don’t eat them very often.  It had mustard, even after the guy who took my order repeated “dry” to me.

Bleh.  I scraped it off and replaced the lettuce and tomatoes (because, yes, they were yellow) with the ones on the burger my daughters were splitting (because, yes, he got theirs wrong, too). Then covered the remaining yellow in Stubb’s Barbeque Sauce.

And took a bite.  Sigh.  I tried very hard not to taste the bit of mustard that was left.  I tried very hard to remember that it wasn’t worth being upset about a condiment.  My husband was really happy with his half of the burger, after all.

So what, I didn’t enjoy the burger like I wanted to, but it’s just food and there will be other burgers.  I still don’t like mustard.

I did find this hilarious clip about mustard from Joss Whedon’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode called “Once More with Feeling.”  It’s the only mustard I like.

I may have mentioned once or twice that I’m a geek. 😀 I own the soundtrack for the episode as well as the entire season (and maybe a few other seasons, too).

What about you?  Is there a condiment or other food that you just will not eat?  Are you one of those people who actually like mustard?

Flash Mob Failure

At dark-thirty this morning, my husband started texting me.  Here’s our conversation:

The Husband: Got here early just to find AA doesn’t open until 5

The Husband: The Fun

Me: Ick
(What do you expect?  It was dark-thirty.)

The Husband: Sing I am bored, standing here with 25 of my closest friends

Me: Start a round of “Row, Row Your Boat”

The Husband: Great idea. It will be on YouTube in a few

I asked my husband when he landed safely and returned home about that promised YouTube video of his closest friends waiting for the AA counter to open and singing rounds of “Row, Row Your Boat.”  Do you know what he said?

“Yeah, right.”

I admit that I didn’t expect him to create a video and post it, but that would have been cool to see an impromptu flash mob sing rounds in front of the AA counter while they waited for their flights to be delayed the counter to open.  I am glad my husband’s flight was not on the list of 300 canceled flights and was on time.

Anyway, flash mobs are fascinating.  A request goes out into cyberspace, the routine is posted, people practice it, and then they all show up and perform at the appointed time.  There are websites devoted to events.  There was one called Coloring Book Flash Mob this summer.  I so would have done that if it had been local (and I knew about it).  Any excuse to stop what I’m doing and use crayons for five uninterrupted minutes!

Here’s one at an airport in March this year:

What do you think about flash mobs?  Have you ever participated in one?  Would you dance, sing, or color with a group of strangers and then walk away as if nothing happened?  Use the handy comments box below and let me know. 

The Call of the Honey Do

“Di Di?”

Uh-oh. Do you know what that sound is?  It’s not the mockingbird who lives in our front tree (although that bird is crazy enough to copy it if it hears it often).

image

It’s the Honey Do Call that my husband makes–now that we know what his tell is.  It means he has a project that requires my presenceassistance.  It is disguised as a request for company:

“Di Di, will you sit in the garage with me?”

Oh, no. Not the garage.

But The Husband is cute, really cute.  That cuteness somehow sucks me into the garage before my survival instincts can kick in and make me escape from the house. The moment I stepped into the garage I was a goner.

It’s too late for me.  Save yourselves!

“Di Di.  Will you come with me to the store?”

Run away! Run away!

Oh, I can handle the store, I thought to myself.  I couldn’t have been more wrong.  I knew I should have run away when I had the chance when we pulled into the parking lot of the auto parts store.

The Husband bought front shocks for our little old pickup truck.  We bought it the year after we got married.  It’s 19 years old.  Our neighbor calls it the “little red wagon”–even though it isn’t red–because we use it well.

Shocks?  I’m shocked.  First, he doesn’t work on his own cars anymore.  Second, the ride has been bumpy for years, why fix it now?

In the garage, “keep me company” becomes “please hand me the blah, blah, blah” (don’t expect me to name the tools) and leads to “adjust the jack like this” and then finally “help me push this shock into place.”

For someone who was going to watch idly, I was covered in car grime.

Fast forward a few weeks…

“Di Di?”

Run for your life!

This time he completely tricked me into going to the auto parts store.  I don’t know how I missed the signs.  I should have seen the red flags and fled the scene when I got the Honey Do call.  Surely, one of the kids needed me right at that moment.

The rear shocks were much easier to get into place, but it was hot as Hades in the garage.  Who decides to work on his car in the garage in the Texas summer? (That’s a rhetorical question, of course.)

image

I see the truck differently now…

We cleaned off the grime and went for a ride in the little 19-year-old pick up truck.  There are no handles above the windows.  I like to call this handle the “Oh, crap!” handle.  (I like to keep this blog rated PG.  I usually have a different name for it.)

Whatever you do, don’t get in that truck!

The truck recovered so well that we were thrown all over the small cab.  Why didn’t they put “Oh, crap!” handles in this thing?  Did they not know my husband was going to be driving it?

Then it dawned on me that riding in the truck is now the best abdominal core workout ever.  Go around the block again, Honey!

If I’d known, I would have been in the garage a long time ago calling, “Honey, will you keep me company out here?”

And the hunter becomes the hunted.

What’s on your honey-do list? 🙂