Category Archives: Don’t Get Me Wrong

27 Dresses…Maybe just 4 and some curtains

“The best part about it is that you can shorten it, and wear it again.”

“Definitely, so true!”

I loved the movie 27 Dresses. It’s fun and silly, and I can watch it over and over again.

It reminds me of some of the bridesmaids dresses I’ve worn, but none were as bad as the ones I made my wedding party wear. ūüôā

27 Dresses…Maybe just 4 and some curtains

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Just When We Thought It Was Safe to Go Back in the Water

Animal Planet did it again. They have “new evidence” that mermaids are real.

Please join me at the new¬†Mermaids Don’t Do Windows blog website, and subscribe by email so you don’t miss any posts. I don’t update this site very often. ūüôā

Just When We Thought It Was Safe to Go Back in the Water

Are You Sure Mermaids Aren’t Real?

Today is a blogging milestone for me: This is my 100th post. I’m not sure anyone is as shocked as I am. I tried to think of a great way to celebrate. Of course, I’m revisiting one of my favorite topics: Mermaids!

Come celebrate at my new website. You can read the latest post about mermaid sightings. Sign up so you don’t miss any future posts, too.

Are You Sure Mermaids Aren’t Real?

Life-size self portrait of me as a mermaid

Life-size self portrait of me as a mermaid

Things that I’ve seen but wish I hadn’t…My eyes! The burn!

There are certain things in this world that are not meant for human vision.

Photo by Lynn Kelley via WANA Commons

Photo by Lynn Kelley via WANA Commons

The Plumber’s Butt–on a Motorcycle

Look away from that new moon while the nice man fixes the sink. But what do you do when the sight is directly in front of you while driving?

The motorcycle passenger was wearing the black-lace¬†thong and muffin top. I don’t have anything against muffin tops or black lace, but the combination with the new moon…*shudder*

Hope they turn and go a different way. If they don’t, you must take a different route or risk being scarred for life.

The Shirtless Jogger

I’m so glad people are out jogging.¬† That’s wonderful! If you don’t mind, put on a shirt. I don’t want to see a half naked, gorilla¬†man or a woman wearing a sports bra. I don’t care how fit or unfit they are.¬†Maybe, don’t.

The Fly

Seriously. If you’re going to be drunk enough to dance like a dork with your friends at¬†a NBA basketball game (where you risk being seen by 20,000 people if you make the jumbotron), please have the courtesy to zip your fly. Awkward!

At least you’re too drunk to remember it later (the bad dancing and your XYZ). I, on the other hand, won’t be able to get rid of the image even after gouging out my eyes.

There you have it.¬† Three things that my eyes wish they hadn’t seen this week.

Have you ever seen something that you wished you could unsee? (Keep it PG, please.)

It’s Just a Light Snack!

I woke up to the sound of the toilet paper roll being spun. It was the middle of the night–no one was in the bathroom.¬† Everyone else was sleeping.

The toilet paper roll bumped the wall again.  And again.

I got up to investigate.¬† By the way, don’t ever do that in a horror movie. (You know what happens to the people who investigate the sound in horror movies.)

The bathroom was pitch black–the perfect place for a scary person or a demon to hide. (Everybody’s got to go, even demons, right?)

The noise continued.

When I turned on the light, this was the carnage:

Diana Beebe's Blog

…and the face that caused it:

It wasn't me. It was the demon dog...

It wasn’t me. It was the demon dog

Not a demon or slasher-movie villain! *wipes brow*

Hey, Eater of homework and valentines, the toilet paper is not hanging there so you can eat it like corn on the cob!

Another half of a toilet paper roll wasted. (Well, would you use paper that the dog slobbered on?)

Think about that for a second…

I didn’t think so.¬† ūüėÄ Now I have to take the rolls off before bed. Sigh.

What was the craziest thing one of your pets ate or did?  Any ideas for using the shredded toilet paper?

Dishwasher Deathmatch

Last week, I told you about¬†lessons learned from my dishwasher. I missed a few things in that post. First, I really dislike handwashing dishes. Wait, I probably said that, didn’t I?¬† The real take away since then?¬† Replacing that fuse is a deathmatch in six rounds.

You see, I wrote that first post several days ago with the luxury of time to make me forget about the last time we changed the fuse. All weekend, I was drinking from a firehose at WANACon, and my husband was working on his truck.¬†The fuse¬†didn’t get fixed.

This is not a one-person job.

Oh, it is on, Dishwasher!

Oh, it is on, Dishwasher!

If you have a Samsung dishwasher, there is a good chance you’ll need to know how to do this if it stops working for no apparent reason (unless you’re willing to pay a handyman). Even if you pay a handyman, you’ll still have to do Deathmatch Rounds 2 and 6 and probably 5.

Deathmatch Round 1

Gather the tools:

  • Crescent wrenches (we had two–not sure if we used them both)
  • Screwdrivers (flathead and Phillips)
  • Pliers (I’m not sure what my husband used these for.)
  • The new fuse (pointless activity without it)
  • Old towels (Lots of them to mop up the water that will drain from the dishwasher)
  • At least 5 hands (two people can handle most of it, but we needed a third person.)

Deathmatch Round 2

Now that you have all the tools, empty all the cabinets in your kitchen. Kidding!¬† Just empty everything under the sink and the cabinets that the pipes run through.¬† Our dishwasher is two cabinets away from the sink. I couldn’t bear to take a picture of that mess, but I did take one of the hidden treat stash that we found:

I don't even want to know how old that stuff was...

I don’t even want to know how old that stuff was…

Deathmatch Round 3

Turn off the water under the sink.

Don't forget this step...

Don’t forget this step… This shows the water is on.

Decouple both the intake and drain pipes. This is what ours look like:

In the cabinet next to the cabinet next to the dishwasher

In the cabinet next to the cabinet next to the dishwasher

Some water will leak from the pipes, so have a towel ready. We also used a casserole dish to catch most of the water.

Pull the tubing through the holes into the cabinet next door.¬† Be prepared for more leakage in the next cabinet over–unless you have only one cabinet to worry about. You need enough slack in the tubing to be able to pull the dishwasher out.

In the cabinet next to the dishwasher

In the cabinet next to the dishwasher…

Deathmatch Round 4

Unscrew the dishwasher baseplate. Rock and pull the sides until the dishwasher is free of the cabinetry.¬† If it doesn’t want to come out, check the side for a clip that’s keeping it in place. (We remembered that one after much use of creative language.) Be careful of the padding around the top.

Deathmatch Round 5

Use towels to get as much water as possible out of the inside of the dishwasher. If that someone helping you says, “Oh, that’s not much water. Don’t worry about it,” then slap him on the back of the head (Gibbs style¬†from NCIS), and dry out the inside of the dishwasher.¬† (Yes, I should have done both!)

Stand in front of the dishwasher and lean it forward at a 45-degree angle. If you missed the last step of drying out the standing dishwater, you now have wet socks and water running all over the floor.¬†This when I yelled for The Mockingbird to bring more towels because I didn’t have enough.

She came in handy (there’s that fifth hand) when we realized that my husband was under the dishwasher (unscrewing the fusebox plate), I was holding it up (it was heavy after awhile), and the fuse was on the counter (not the place it needed to be).

How can something this small wreak so much havoc?

How can something this small wreak so much havoc?

After the new fuse goes in, reverse the process.

Deathmatch Round 6

Clean up a huge mess (all the while wondering how that much crap fit in the cabinets), mop the floor, and¬†load the dishwasher with all the dishes you didn’t feel like handwashing earlier.

I’m not sure who won this deathmatch. This was a traumatic experience for me. All that fixing and cleaning at the same time… ūüėÄ

I didn’t get a picture of the dishwasher’s nether parts. I imagine if I’d asked my husband to snap a photo while he was down there with old dishwasher water pooling nearby, he might have smacked me on the back of the head when his hands were free. As I’m snapping the other shots, he said, “Let me take it all apart for you again so you can get that picture. NOT.”

Good luck!

No people or dishwashers were injured during the making of this blog.

Lessons Learned from a Dishwasher

Last week, I was a total blogging slacker. So sorry to disappear like that, but you know how life gets in the way sometimes.¬†Now I’m back with a vengeance.

Well, if I could take out revenge on a dishwasher….

Not how I expected to spend my morning...

Not how I expected to spend my morning…

It’s not the dishwasher’s fault. So instead, my wrath should be pointed at the genii (pronounced jee-nee-ahy)* who designed the dishwasher with the fuse on the worst possible place–the inside as far back as possible.

Seriously?  Did any of those guys think that the fuse would last forever? Did they try to extract the dishwasher and replace a fuse?

Their Quality Assurance department was short at least one test case: “Can a mermaid housewife husband change the fuse easily?”

If the dishwasher hadn’t blown a fuse the first week after we bought it, we might not have know that the fuse was the trouble. The store sent a service guy over. He showed us (mostly because we watched) that he had to extract the entire dishwasher from the cabinets and tilt it over wildly (without tumping it on¬†its side)¬†to get to the fuse. Then, he had to right the appliance and rock it back into position under the counter.

Are you kidding me?

I had to empty the dishwasher and wash it all by hand. Grrrr.

Lessons learned from this dishwasher and what we’ll do next time we buy one:

  1. Where is the fuse located and how easy is it to change? (Not kidding. We had no idea this was something to think about.)
  2. Does it clean well? (Despite good reviews, this one doesn’t. *pout*)
  3. Does it match the other appliances? (Yeah, this shouldn’t be number 1 on the list. *smirk*)

*The word genii is a plural of the word genius. It’s¬†not as common as geniuses (and is mostly related to the mythical geniis), but it’s The Mockingbird’s favorite form of the word, so I use it. ūüôā

I debated about telling you who makes this dishwasher, but I didn’t.¬† Hmmm… *cough*Samsung*cough*

What appliance lessons have you learned? Could you or do you live without a dishwasher?

Happy Groundhog Day

Looks like an early spring this year. That’s what the Groundhog predicts, because he didn’t see his shadow, which means he didn’t feel the need to hide in his burrow for a long winter.

By EIC via Wikimedia Commons, Creative Commons

By EIC via Wikimedia Commons, Creative Commons

I never understood that.¬† Wouldn’t he be warmer if the sun was out?¬† Check out the history of Groundhog Day.¬† It’s quite interesting.

Instead, the little predictor of weather says, “Hey, look!¬† It’s sunny.¬† I’m going back to bed.”

It seems counterintuitive to me.¬† If it’s a sunny day, I’d like to be out working in the garden.¬† If it’s a cloudy, yucky day, I’d rather¬†crawl back into bed.

It’s a good thing, Punxsutawney Phil doesn’t live near me, because it’s a gorgeous sunny day.¬† I’m going to go work in my garden and get ready for early spring.

What do you think about Groundhog Day?  Is it just a fun tradition or a true predictor of the seasons?  Do you know of other odd holidays that should get more or less attention?

Toes, Strangers, and Shoes

This week I did something that I’ve never done before.¬† I got a pedicure.

image

You can pick your jaw up from the floor now.¬† Are you more shocked that I’ve never had one or that I actually did?

It was an odd experience having a perfect stranger cleaning, rubbing, and snipping–scraping those cuticles.¬† My cuticles were not cute.

All the pampering got me thinking about my feet, which I usually don’t do, unless I’m shopping for shoes.

Then, I think about them a lot.¬† If you have feet that are lucky enough to be easy to fit, then I’m happy for you.¬† I have large feet and shopping usually involves looking for my size first and the style second.¬†

Did I say “feet”?¬† I meant to say “boats” or “skis”–my husband likes to joke that I wouldn’t need skis. Or, Big Foot hoaxes are based on my footprints. He also teases that his feet are smaller. They aren’t! His cuteness keeps him alive.¬† ūüėČ

Shopping for shoes when I was 12 years old and wearing size 10 was not fun.¬† I was a puppy growing into my paws. It wasn’t easy finding kid-friendly shoes back then.¬† Now, after two kids and letting comfort win, I wear 11.

My husband’s feet are bigger.¬† They are!¬† *pout*

One day my husband surprised me by buying me two pairs of really cute shoes from a major department store that claims to be able to fit anyone.  (Anyone with normal feet, maybe.)  The salesman asked my husband if he wanted to try them on before he bought them.

Are you kidding me?

I imagined the conversation.

Hubby:  I need these two shoes in a size 10.
(This was before Daughter #2 and I was still in denial that I needed a 10.5, at least.)

Mr. Shoe Man looks at my husband with a bland look.¬† After searching for an eternity in the cavernous back room for the mythical shoe size, he returns with the boxes.¬† In his bland voice he asks, “Would you like to try these on, sir?”

Hubby:¬† *blink, blink*¬† “Er, no, these are for my wife.”

Mr. Shoe Man: *wink*¬† “Right, of course.”

First, Mr. Rude Shoe Man, if he wanted to try them on, he would have said so.

Second, they wouldn’t have fit him!

*stomps foot*

When I returned the pair that didn’t fit, I told the salesman what happened.¬† I’m fairly certain he had a really good laugh after I left.

Where was I?¬† Right, I’m getting my first pedicure and all this stuff is going through my head. The massage chair is punishing my entire backside and a stranger is prodding, filing, and rubbing on my sensitive feet.¬†

A few of my friends love pedicures.¬† They insisted that I try it.¬† They can still be my friends.¬† ūüėõ

My frugal cheap self can’t imagine paying for a pedicure every month or so. I have to admit that I didn’t enjoy the experience that much–maybe because I didn’t know what to expect. And the tiny disposable flip-flops made out of thin craft foam that they gave me to wear so I wouldn’t mess up my toes didn’t even make it to the car before falling apart.

I do have very pretty purple toenails. My toes have never looked this good. They probably never will again.

Do you have any foot or shoe stories?¬† You know you want to share.¬† ūüôā